Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
