absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
