dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize