we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
