Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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