it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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