hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
