you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
