Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
