We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
