It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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