I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
that may or may not have been my penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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