just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
