that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
