i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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