The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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