if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
