My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
