Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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