So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
