Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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