I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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