Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
