In the future we'll all be gay
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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