community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize