NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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