I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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