Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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