You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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