she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
