The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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