areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
