So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize