we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
