i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
