Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
