I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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