Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
