DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
