Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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