I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i love accidental penises.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
