it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
