While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
