woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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