his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
