someone threw a dead crab at me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
