WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
