Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
