I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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