he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
