I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
