just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
