Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
