I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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