I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
