One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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