SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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