Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
