Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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