How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
