so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Go christen that room with your naked body.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
