just survived the first fart of the relationship.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
