My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
