Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
