Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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