You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
