I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
