Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
