That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
