Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
