Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
