She's JV to your varsity
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
