Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
