If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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