I'm so fucking centered right now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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