I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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