the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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