im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
