um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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